Learning to love your alone time

By Borbala @ Follow Your Own Rhythm

I had a realization the other day. I love my own company. I love being alone. I have a blast with myself as funny as that sounds. I’m not saying that I always prefer to be alone or that I want to live my life solo, what I am saying is that when I’m alone, I really enjoy my time.

I have spent almost all of my life being with someone. As soon as I moved out of my parents’ house after college, I moved in with my then boyfriend who I ended up marrying and was with for 14 years. So I was never actually alone, although I did have a lot of alone time.

And then just recently, when that 14 year partnership ended, for the first time ever, I was truly alone. It sucked at first, and I felt really lonely, something I’ve never felt before.

I knew I was capable of enjoying my own company so it was a weird feeling to feel lonely. I guess it’s only normal though… my whole life spent with someone, and then it’s just me. 

And then what happened? The corona virus happened. Even more social distancing! Great!

I got laid off from work so no more social interaction there and my time completely freed up. The world has basically shut down and we’re being advised to stay home and practice social distancing which means reeeeeeally being alone. 

I mean the timing of it all is just funny at this point. The universe is never short of jokes! But the universe is also ever short of irony…

Ironically, it is during this “social distancing” and quarantine period that I am realizing how much I genuinely enjoy my own company. I thought this would be the worst time ever, given what I was already going through emotionally, but quite the opposite.

I got back in touch with myself. And I realized how much love I have for life. And how much I enjoy doing things even if I’m by myself.

I knew I was capable of this because even when I was married, I spent a lot of time alone, and I always enjoyed it. However, actually BEING alone, like not having anyone to come home to, is a whole different story.

I caught myself being genuinely happy doing normal, everyday things by myself.  It’s easy to enjoy life when you’re doing it with someone, and I love that too, but it’s not so easy to have fun when you’re by yourself. That is a challenge.

Most of us don’t know what to do with ourselves. And being alone also gets a bad rep in society. People think it’s sad and depressing which makes it even harder to enjoy our time.

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And so during my time in “quarantine,” I realized HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO LOVE YOUR OWN COMPANY.  

It seems obvious, and we hear it all the time… “you have to love yourself, you have to find happiness within,” but it’s just words until you actually feel it and experience the truth of it for yourself. And that’s what happened to me the other day.

How do I enjoy my own company?

I give myself permission to be happy.

I give myself permission to laugh. And this includes laughing at myself!

I give myself permission to FEEL. Feel alive. Feel passion. Feel enthusiasm. Feel joy. Feel love. Feel connected. Feel thankful.

I give myself permission to let loose and be silly.

I allow myself to be vulnerable. This is huge!

I allow myself to LOVE and have that love flow in and out of me.

I allow myself to BE myself.

And it doesn’t take much. It actually doesn’t even matter WHAT you do, what matters is the mindset you have while doing it. 

I wake up each day and I CHOOSE to feel good. I choose to be grateful for my free time. And then I simply choose to do things that make me feel good. Things that lift me up, energize me, make me laugh, make me think, and make me happy.

More accurately, I don’ always do things that feel good, but I always choose to feel good while I do things. Well for the most part. I have my moments.

I try to add more joy to mundane tasks like going to the grocery store, washing dishes, or cooking (at least for me) by blasting good music and singing and dancing while doing it, and keeping a positive mindset. Music is a great way to lift your spirits, and singing and dancing is a great form of expression! 

I also have certain hobbies that I enjoy, as well as taking drives and going hiking. I really enjoy nature and sunshine, or reading and writing. So I make sure to incorporate these activities into my life, especially NOW.  These are just examples that may inspire you.

But the most important thing of all is not WHAT I’m doing, it’s how I feel while I’m doing it, and what I’m focusing on.  

For example, in order to enjoy our alone time, or just life in general, I think it’s very important to pay attention to the little things that happen around us and take them in, enjoy them and appreciate them. 

Basically to look around and see everything through the eyes of beauty, love and gratitude. This takes a certain level of awareness, and you have to train your mind to see things in this way, but once you’ve trained your focus, it becomes second nature.

And I’m talking simple things like hearing the birds chirping, or the little bunny that shows up in your yard everyday, or the sun shining, or the couple going for a jog together. So nice. (I’m witnessing all this from my balcony #quarantine).

It sounds silly but I do observe these things and appreciate them very much, and it makes my alone time so much more pleasant.  Actually, it just makes life more pleasant whether or not you’re alone. There’s so much beauty in the regular, ordinary things that we often overlook.

I have ditched the mindset that says “I have to have someone in my life or I have to be with another person in order to enjoy my life or have fun.” That’s not true and that’s a limiting mindset.

You can totally have fun alone, if you allow yourself to have fun.  Allow yourself to do things you enjoy, allow yourself to laugh, and just allow yourself to FEEL ALIVE even when you’re alone. Feed off of your own energy.  And this means feeling grateful, being positive, and being in love…with everything.

Obviously, this also requires self-love and self-acceptance, which means you’re not judging yourself…ever…for being silly or dancing funny, or “looking stupid” when you’re singing in your car, or even for being alone.  You have to be really compassionate with yourself and be your own best friend.

Being in a long term relationship, followed by heartbreak, and then being alone, really does make you look within. And then add this global pandemic to the mix!

It really has made me realize that my only option, if I want to live a happy and fulfilling life, is to love myself. To truly and genuinely love myself. To accept, that for now, it’s just me, and that’s good enough. Me and my own company is ENOUGH.  I am whole already.  There is no person outside of me that can FILL ME UP.  No one but me is capable of that. 

Because if I don’t connect to my inner wholeness, and I don’t become emotionally independent, then how in the world will I ever be able to maintain a healthy relationship with someone else? Aaaaand, how in the world will I ever be able to enjoy life if I can’t even be content within myself?!

Learning to love our alone time doesn’t mean we want to be alone. It doesn’t mean we want to be single forever, or that we prefer being alone over being with people.

It means that there are going to be times in our lives when we have to be alone.  And if we don’t master how to BE with ourselves, and also how to ENJOY ourselves, then we have a long road ahead of us because we’re going to constantly depend on outside things to fill us up.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in romantic love and in sharing your life with someone, but I also believe in self-love, and giving it to yourself before you try to be loved by someone else.

It’s mainly to ensure that you’re not in a relationship for the wrong reasons. That you’re not in it to have them meet your emotional needs and mend your brokenness, but because you genuinely enjoy loving them and being loved by them.

So this message is definitely relevant during our times right now as most of us are faced with our deepest fears, one of them being loneliness.

You don’t have to look at being alone as sad or depressing.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Being alone is freeing and empowering… if you choose to look at it that way.  

Try to see your life through a different lens. Try to enjoy the activities that you do. Try to appreciate the simple things that life has to offer. Do things that make you happy, and don’t be afraid to laugh, smile, and enjoy life solo.

Once you’re strong within yourself and your solitude, you’ll never depend on people to make you happy, it’ll just be a bonus. You’ll be emotionally independent.

And that is the best thing you can do for yourself, because at the end of it all, it’s just you.  When everything on the outside falls apart, fades away or changes, the only thing that remains is YOU.  Just you with yourself.  So you kinda gotta love yourself cuz you’re the only one you’ve got. :)

I hope that was helpful and that you’ll start to embrace your alone time and have some good times with yourself! 😂 There’s no better time than now to start! ❤️

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